On Starting Preschool: If My Tears Could Talk

I think I have been holding my breath for the last 2 and a half months.

This summer has been a challenge in other ways than the expected constant refereeing that being a mom to twin 4 year old boys brings. The constant talking about pooping and tooting and don't forget the fake burping. Oh, we've had our fair share of those times, and yes, it certainly does get old. But what was new and different about this summer was that my boys added two new words to their vocabularies.

Stupid.

Hate.

You would have been as surprised as I was when those ugly words first crossed their lips. I didn't know how to react. Do I ignore those words in hopes that not getting a reaction out of me will make it so the thrill of saying them again will be gone? Do I send them to their rooms for the rest of the night? Do I create a sticker chart for times that they use nice words?

Truth is, I don't remember how I reacted, but it obviously wasn't the way any good mom would react since those words were repeated on numerous occasions on a daily basis for the rest of the summer.

I hate swimming lessons. I hate going to bed. Mosquitos are stupid. I hate my brother. Stupid Mommy. I hate preschool.

Wait, WHAT???

How did this happen? Where did they learn to talk like this? Why are they talking like this all of a sudden? And how can we stop this?

I don't have the answer to any of those questions. All I know is for the rest of the summer, I seriously questioned my parenting ability.  Where did I go wrong? I would take fake burping at the dinner table any night over Stupid Mommy.

And why their sudden disdain for preschool? The timing of this was less than perfect. We attended a short "practice" session of preschool this summer in hopes of preparing them and getting them excited for what was to come this Fall. But halfway through that summer session, I was spending my mornings of preschool drop-off coaxing one or both the boys out of the bathroom stalls to go into their classroom.

Open House Night, August 2016

But as the calendar days ticked on by this summer, we remained hopeful that they would have a change of heart in time for preschool starting up again. Dan and I shared stories of when we went to preschool. We talked about how nice the teachers are and of course about how much fun they would have. We talked about art projects and science experiments. We picked out lunch bags and backpacks and first day of school clothes. We talked about how it is okay to be a little nervous. We reminded them that Mommy always comes back to pick them up. We attended Open House night and played with all the toys that they would get to play with. I talked to the teacher and shared my concerns.

And so, I continued to hold my breath when the morning of The 1st Day of Preschool came along. Truthfully, I was expecting a catastrophe.

I was expecting their tears, but not my own.

As they sat down on the rug and got out blocks and started to play with the trucks and tractors, I quickly realized they were going to be okay. They were going to be okay. They nervously waved goodbye to me and Dan, but gave us their best smiles. It was then that I could barely mumble the words, "I'm so proud of you," before I had to get up and leave before they saw me lose it.

I'm not sure if my tears were more a sign of relief, that I didn't have to coax either child into their new classroom, or a sign of disbelief that they really are growing up. So many emotions were going through me at that moment. The first 4 years of their lives were flashing back at me.

And so now, now it is time to start a new chapter. A chapter in which I must learn to trust other adults to love on and teach my boys. A chapter that will undoubtedly bring new challenges and yes, most likely broaden their vocabularies even more. But wow, Preschool. It's a chapter that gives me so much hope and so much excitement for the new worlds they will unravel and explore. And I can't wait to be along for the ride.

1st Day of Preschool, September 6, 2016